Illogical
by taxiphobia
Summary: Temari was never fond of love. After learning of Shikamaru and Ino's engagement, she thought it, whatver IT was, was over. However, fateful events, amidst jealousy, anger, and confusion, leave her to question newly developed, impossible feelings. ShikaTem
1. Desperate

Illogical

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Written by: taxiphobia 

Disclaimer: Naruto and Naruto: Shippuuden are owned by one genius man, whose name you should know, whom I hope to marry and influence into imputing my personal plot desires in the future. :D

Notes: Set in original Shippuuden timeline; Inspired by fluffy oneshots concerning the 'love-hate' theme of popular pairings; Rewritten and edited innumerable times; the authoress is not to be blamed for the excessive usage of large words that may expand your vocabulary. A dictionary is recommended.

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_"We're still so young,__ **desperate** for attention"_

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Outwardly, Temari supposed, Shikamaru feigned the strong apathy portrayed so often toward the buxom blonde. Below the unfathomable regions of his brain, or maybe his heart, the lazy façade, and seldom-seen, yet signature languid smirk, there was love. Ah love, the unexplainable emotion possessed by each fraction of mankind(1) at least one point in his lifetime. 

The blonde, she was informed, an egocentric, and Narcissistic—to the point of being Narcissus(2) himself—haughty, and downright selfish member of his own Team 10, and he, a 'brilliant, but lazy' strategist were not only _in_ love, but engaged.

Forcefully engaged, information she knew not of as of yet, but engaged nonetheless.

Call her a romantic, or were these feelings only cultivated now?, Temari found no such amorous intimacy as first contemplated when the message was delivered; the unexpected invitation postmarked from Konohagakure.

Details of the exquisitely lavish wedding, strictly the bride's idea, written in fantastic script then left the kunoichi in morbid astonishment.

She saw nothing, no subtle hints of romance, or anything of the like for that matter, during her first five days in the village mentioned formally. With the Chunnin Exams as her reason, Temari expected no one to figure out the true intentions behind this supposedly 'short' stay.

The likelihood, nearly nonexistent, of some smart soul figuring this out when even she had no idea of her emotions, due to Temari's never admitting succumbing to the evils of…jealousy, perhaps? Still oblivious to these feelings, she rather not elaborate.

So what, then, could have possibly compelled Nara Shikamaru to propose to Yamanaka Ino? It was madness—the apocalypse—her brothers' joke, notwithstanding Gaara never partaking in such pranks, but surely not a wedding, and surely not a serious one!

Having no choice but to seek the self-proclaimed 'wisdom' of Konoha's leading gossips, Temari reluctantly paid the three a visit. This done, she acquired basic Konoha citizen knowledge concerning (but not limited to) secretive details of the marriage, and some of the engagement.

The entire village, it appeared, bubbled with an apparent excitement(3) in preparation for the date. The prime example of this, and by far most irksome in her five day stay, was the maid of honor. Her happiness reached its apex with her rival's (the bride's) ferocity over the shared crush diminishing, for it had to, with the wedding.

"I heard the engagement was super-romantic!" exclaimed one of the gossips, a brunette, brown-eyed—overall plain—kunoichi. The usual amount of giggles ensued.

"What do you mean?" Temari enquired, startled more than she permitted to appear, the spurious fact reprising in her mind, over and over, until rendering her comfortable with modifying the question, "How did he propose?"

"_Super_-romantically, of course," replied the brunette.

"Geez, Temari-san, you don't know a thing about romance, do you?" asked the leading gossip, for, with her rival gone, she held the much sought-after position.

The third member, a coolly benign, pale-eyed beauty, gave a quick nod.

After a moment of silence, Temari's hazel glare penetrating all girlish defenses, a discussion of rumors formed, and, at intervals (pauses), there were high-pitched giggles. Temari listened, intently and engrossed at first, however incomprehensible the prattle appeared.

Her attention drifted to the queerest areas of the little café, once the conversation grew unbearable to her ears, that is, '_super_-romantic,' it was sickening.

She would have—should have—remained ignorant by staying home, squandering away in the virile(4) atmosphere her brothers emitted so well. She was dying for this familiar testosterone, an intelligent companion and conversation, though mainly the former. Any male, or intelligent female, would suffice. Maybe, in this situation of disparity, maybe even…

"Shikamaru!" squealed Sakura, the leading gossip (in the case where the reader finds previous descriptions ambiguous), blithely rising. Eyeing Ino, who, as fate may have it, entered the café but a minute ago, she continued emphatically, "Well _Ino_, I suppose you're _craving_ that much needed alone time with your fiancé."

"Hey, I never—!"

"And Temari-san," the 'cherry blossom' kunoichi started, emerald eyes meeting the Suna nin's.

Temari, without responding in any manner to the static glare, in fact, nearly oblivious to it, remained seated. _Her_ eyes scanned the small restaurant, maybe to unknowingly escape the stare, halting in sight of Shikamaru. The subtle gaze, though harmless, was hindered by a mere glance—piercing as it was—in response.

Immediately and involuntarily, a streak of scarlet shone on her fair cheeks—forcibly—also part instinct—causing Temari to divert her attention, returning to somewhat bemused eyes. The tinge of deep red now a nearly imaginary pink, lasted, an observant spectator would see, a second at most.

"I saw that," Sakura remarked softly.

Temari kept mum.

A sly and mischievous smile crept into the former's lips. "Hey, Shikamaru! Temari was—"

Impulsively, the Suna nin grabbed the nearest filled coffee cup, hands reeling backwards. The victim screamed, grabbing attention and incorrect contemplations from fellow customers.

Sakura's scream, unknowingly ambushed the 'attacker' in a consequential way; her grasp weakened, and the mug slipped out, amidst a final, violent reeling.

Intended for the leading gossip, the coffee cup, showering its contents, sailed in the wrong direction. All kunoichi watched, captivated by the strangeness of it all, as the mug bonded, for a singular second, with Shikamaru's head, emanating a loud _CLONK! _

No time was taken by the new victim to acknowledge this innocent mishap, or Temari's fuming presence.

"Ow," he heartlessly murmured.

(An eruption of witchlike laughter pealed through the silence of the café. The gossipers followed suit, with giggles.)(5)

At this rare opportunity, Temari slid past bewildered customers, who were focused on the scene and not its doer, out the door and into Konoha twilight. Never once did she think—'Ignorance is bliss,' in this case—that _his _eyes had been, and may well still be, on her.

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Endnotes: 

(1) - 'fraction' refers to 'human being,' therefore, each 'human being' in 'mankind' has experienced love at least once.

(2) - From the story of the Greek hero Narcissus who, in most versions of the story, fell in love with the reflection of himself in the water of a pond. He was later then turned into a flower by the gods.

(3) -"…seemingly bubbled with an apparent excitement" is repetition to convey just how happy Sakura was that she didn't mind this simple folly.

(4) - Virile – masculine

(5) - Being the original mastermind of the gossips, whatever Ino did was 'law' and always followed; "witchlike laughter" is Ino's

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Okay.  
I've finally gotten around to posting this story. Go me. There are a few things worth mentioning (to prevent confusion on your part), such as the fact that this story is written in somewhat of where tVictorian style. I say 'somewhat,' because of the few references to pop culture (i.e. the Panic! At The Disco quote, the 'gossips'), but I guess that's just my style now.  
Although I have a vague idea his story is going, I'm taking requests (of all sorts--desired pairings, scenes, whatever else you can think of), ideas, suggestions, constructive complaints, flames, etc., etc. My goal is to respond to every review this story gets, whether it be directly or indirectly as imputting your--yes _your_--idea into following chapters.  
I hope you enjoyed the first chapter of Illogical. This Author's Note could get long as the story progresses, or the plot thickens!, and I'll probably be answering questions here.  
Remember; reviews make me happy, criticism makes me happier, and flames make me jump for joy like a mutilated bunny, though you'd rather not see the latter. 


	2. Lose Control

Chapter Two:

Notes: The authoress sincerely apologizes for the usage of complex Victorian styled-language and sentence phrasing in the begining (of the chapter). Don't worry, it will melt away into a more simpler style, although she thought that changing the style in the very begining would be a tad too much for readers (and because she was too lazy to rewrite). Anywayz, enjoy!

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_"Just once in my life, I think it'd be nice just to **lose control** __just once."_

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God, if such a sacrosanct individual existed, was unquestionably not on Temari's side that evening—as if to arise fatalistic questions and other such matters regarding the relationship between she and an almighty being—for if He was, the preceding hapless events would not have occurred. What's worse, she had to deal with mixed emotions as well. 

The series of unfortunate events (not, in any way, pertaining to Lemony Snicket's popular series) began with Temari's escape from, what seemed to her, accusatory eyes—two pairs in particular if the reader recalls. She was almost certain that one pair had lingered on her. Her conclusion, in short, thoughts of a skilled strategist as to whom the eyes' owner, was none other than Nara Shikamaru.

Sakura, being Sakura, ergo(1), extremely girlish, would simply have been far too frightened from her encounter with the 'life and death' situation.

This was the misfortune of thought, the unstoppable tsunami which raged in her mind.

The rest, the dismal weather, unsettled betwixt (between) a calm night or a stormy one, the constant falling and groping about in near-darkness, and fear of being followed, hadn't fazed Temari from her thoughts. Those damn thoughts.

In an interval of settled weather—hopefully, Temari prayed to a God who refused to support, would last the remainder of her journey to the local motel where she stayed—,Temari's sensitivity to the Konoha milieu grew. Her step slowing, she observed the scenery, never seen in Sunagakure, save an overgrown weed.

The leisurely walk growing all the more romantic with each gentle bit of nature encountered, Temari only wished, for the sake of retaining this rare desire of romance, to share the night with someone.

Her (ninja) senses increasing with each rain-less moment, Temari swore she heard footsteps originating some ten or twenty feet behind. Upon inspection, a turn of the head, there was no approaching person. She walked again, the footsteps started. She stopped, it stopped. Turning, there was no one in sight.

The night grew uneasy, walking transformed to chakra-directing running, a result from watching one too many horror movies with Gaara.

Had the following ceased?

No, it was audible, and possibly growing louder.

Where were her infamous mannish guts when Temari needed them? Hadn't this happened before, only to be noticed now?

Fantastic.

Spectacular.

Words could not describe the beauty of the realization:

She had a stalker.

-

"I will not! I refuse to be with that," pointing a finger contemptuously to Shikamaru, "—with that—"

"That what?" questioned the latter, an eyebrow raised at the absurd girl, clearly amused by her antics, especially those of the previous day. He went on sarcastically, "Please continue."

A writhing anger twisted itself across Temari's features at the reply, like a snake gliding swiftly over them, with all its wreathed intervolutions in open sight; if only for a second. It was the reaction he had anticipated. The satisfaction of teasing (this applies to Temari only) relied on her response, and how nice it was. An imperturbable Temari was no fun, and it seemed Shikamaru had captured the Suna monster at its worst and most entertaining.

He smiled cynically.

Though she quite understood the purpose of this sneer, and all its hidden meanings, her stupid body grudgingly shifted into destructive mode, causing things she dare not repeat. But how dare _him_! Just when her thoughts, and feelings, and _soul _were settling upon the conclusion of just where to place the man, he came and ruined it.

So was it war he wanted? Fine! Temari was perfectly fine with it. This time, she would be the one to bring tears to his lethargic eyes. She would have him toil over her. She would control his mind, his dreams, and…everything!

In a simpler statement, Temari wanted to know Shikamaru's thoughts. More simple; she wanted him as hers. Not as Yamanaka Ino's.

Speaking of the same, it suddenly rose to her lips during the three-person, with lack of the third, conversation:

"Why doesn't he just explore the forest(2) with his fiancé? I'm sure they'd love it."

The third person, previously stagnant, and, he thought of himself, the third wheel, dared to intervene; "Yamanaka-san is preparing for her upcoming wedding—"

("You make it sound like she's marrying herself," Temari remarked.)

"—despite it being a long ways off—"

"Then why the invitations?" she asked, eyeing the quiet groom-to-be.

"And the both of you monitor the forest every Chunnin Exams, it's sorta like a tradition…"

He paused, finding it hard to breathe beneath Temari's concentrated stare. At his fleeting glimpse, she shouted traditions die with upcoming marriages, adding, that they not forget she was a Jonin now.

"D-demo(3), I was ordered…"

Temari's eyes flashed red. "By whom!"

"C'mon," said Shikamaru, grabbing her arm and walking away, "You'll live."

The walking continued, surprisingly, silently and without any rejections on Temari's side. Somewhere in the forest, she forgot where, in fact, she felt faint and dizzy, Shikamaru checked if she were still alive.

Temari replied she was.

Letting her limb go, "Really? You look a little red."

"Must be the heat," she murmured.

"You are wearing thick clothes…"

Temari halted as though the fact were of use to her internally pending scheme. "Just what are you implying?!"

"Geez, I wasn't—"

A Genin's tortured scream reminded the two of their job of scouting the area, mainly for any dangerous persons, to prevent repetition of the whole Orochimaru – Uchiha Sasuke mess.

Finally, some work.

-

Frequent cries of "Bloody murder!" practically left Temari deaf by the third. It may have been out of pity, to be more helpful, or had he planned it initially?, when Shikamaru proposed they separate and search by themselves. He murmured, though she heard, a lack of his presence may help her feel better.

Now, Temari was alone. What's more, instead of averting the screaming all she could and ditching her said scouting 'partner,' her original intention, she was nearer.

Such proximity, that…

"Holy…" Temari breathed exhaustibly.

More and more and more screams; it seemed the sight of a Jonin, a Suna Jonin, wasn't enough to pacify the familiar Genin, Konohamaru and co.

"HELP!"

"PLEASE HELP!"

"I DON'T WANT TO DIE!"

And how wonderful that their screams come all at once, the latter always overpowering the former, rising octave after octave high. Temari pondered, whether they had planned that?

Then again, she could see why they screamed incessantly as they had.

Looming above all heads was a giant, mutated spider, making, every so often, swift gestulations at the pathetic trio. They were rendered immovable by the arachnid's web—that is, being all tied up in its cobwebs.

Temari quickly ran to the team, sliced through the webs, and freed the Genin, all the while totally oblivious to the 'real' threat, inching closer and closer, behind her. It took more screaming to bring the dazed kunoichi back to her senses, though the futile attempt was all too late.

In a brevity of awareness before a short time of unconsciousness, Temari grew weary of some two or three hairy limbs encircling her waist and acid dripping from momentous fangs onto her dirty blonde locks. Before she could fight back, (she shook all over) the spider, having secured her, tossed her about.

She attempted throwing projectiles, in spite of it being ineffective, and making hand signs for a jutsu was impossible.

Finally, Temari was slammed by the insect, forcefully and much to the watching children's dismay, onto a tree, or the nearby cliff, or hard ground; _she_ could no longer tell.

Exactly five seconds after her passing out, the first four filled with staring, silent fear, and wishful expectancy, Konohamaru screamed. His teammates obediently followed. Temari awoke to find a second spider closing in on the three. The first one, tying her up in its web, continued spilling its acidic fluids about her tresses.

Her eyes dilated, in and out, in fear of the Genin's lives as well as in fear of her own. Was she, daughter of the late Kazekage, sister of the current, and Suna Jonin, to die at the hands of a petty bug?

No, no, no.

Her life flashed. No, not her life, solely him. _He_ came to mind. Oh, of all people, why him?

_There's no way in hell I—_

It was so abrupt and sudden. Truly, if Temari had blinked, she wouldn't have seen it. But she did perceive it, despite its invisibility, she saw it with—she would only admit then—eyes of envy and adoration.

In an instant, shadows were possessed, a paper bomb was laid, and from nowhere green spider blood exploded in Temari's bewildered face. She blinked during the shower; had she just witnessed an act of heroism? By Shikamaru? Was this another dream?

"Someone murder me," She accidentally thought aloud.

Shikamaru, still shadow-bound to the enemies, heard this plea for death, and approached Temari, poked Temari, said some insulting words, which roused Temari from her often-overtaking contemplations.

"Hey," he drawled with a soft smile, a signature smirk.

"You," she sneered, despite the immense relief, "Why are _you_ here?" Though she dare not direct her eyes to his during the subsequent silence—he was fending off the ridiculously-sized spiders—her eyes went straight to the one item that proved who his superior was; his Chunnin vest.

Shikamaru noticed this, notwithstanding his current battle. He sighed how troublesome it was, and went on to ask why she was still sitting where she was.

Temari's time to respond was rapidly shortened by more would-be Chunnin's (they having the same ranking as he was hilarious!) incomprehensible ejaculations.

A stray spider, rather, the second spider, though still in Shikamaru's possession, had inexplicably crept its way to the three from the rear, and jumped toward them, at which the girl shrieked out. But what certainly mortified Temari was Konohamaru's incorrect usage of _her_ fan as a weapon of defense—how it got down there, she would never know.

To begin with, the fan was taller than him and probably weighed more than the imp. It took all his strength to carry it, let alone swing it. Throwing it was ludicrous, until she witnessed the task artlessly implemented.

Afterwards, it was gobbled up.

Temari blanched.

Shikamaru, who had been as engrossed in the scene as she was, let out crackled laughter. Much to his dismay, this declaration of enjoyment brought loss of concentration, and released his control of spider no. 1's shadow.

Dizziness from a sleepless night, the previously developed headache, the loss of her many-year old fan, and impervious thoughts, _and_ that stalker—whom she just recalled—(let's not forget about him/her), added to Temari's inability to move. Her face was death white, and Shikamaru, as though understanding after a glance at the kunoichi, grew concerned.

He spoke gently, "Temar—"

"Die, spider, die!"

A plethora of paper bombs—Shikamaru's paper bombs—thrown by Konohamaru pelted upon the cliff, aimed very wrongly. The ground beneath the couple shook violently, about to fracture, _he_ presumed.

"Oi!"(4) he yelled back, astounded by the shocking similarity between the child and a young Naruto.

"DIE!"

"Stop—"

Throngs of boulders that the arachnid, the detestable cause of everything!, paled in comparison to slid down the cliff—A landslide. Shikamaru grabbed Temari, still stunned, though she swore loudly now, and ran to the threshold of the miniature mountain, overlooking a waterfall and cave.

Meanwhile, the Genin announced that _that_ was the goal all along; squishing the enemy to death.

"BAKA!"(5) screamed Temari ferociously, as though mad with the fever, thrashing about, ejaculating more and more words.

"Temari, quit moving."

She blushed. "Y-you let go of me," with more thrashing, "Just why the _hell_ are you—"

**CRASH!**

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Endnotes: 

(1)'ergo' – Latin for 'therefore' (because I felt like it)

(2)'forest' – referring to the Forest of Death

(3)'D-demo' – translates to 'b-but'

(4)'Oi!' – translates to 'Hey!'

(5 'BAKA!' – _literally _translates to 'FOOL!', but can also have similar meanings (i.e. 'stupid,' 'idiot,' 'moron,' etc.) depending on the context.

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A cliffhanger! And right when it was getting good, too! I hope so, at least.  
Thank you all so very much for your reviews. If anyone wants to request a pairing, please let me know.  
Did you read the Note above? It's quite important.  
For now, I've decided to write simpler. Less Victorian (rejoice, reader(s) who is/are still with me). And, if the reader wants, more fluffy.  
That's all for now. Please review! 


	3. REWRITE!

Rewrite!

Dearest Reader(s),

I have decided to rewrite this story, just because, you know, it's practically impossible to understand. I have no idea what I was doing when I wrote this (which was over the summer). Maybe my IQ just decreased.

I'm very sorry for the troublesome language of this fic, and instead of it being discontinued, it shall be rewritten in a more simpler form! -rejoices- It shouldn't take too long.

In the mean time, please read my new fic, HeliologyIt's ItaSaku. And angsty.

See you soon (I hope).


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